Somewhere along the way, I have lost my path. While I still feel I’m moving forward, I somehow feel it’s not the intended direction. I sort of feel like I’m going down a gravel road on my bicycle with a very, very strong side wind and rather than fight against it, I’ve let it push me. I am not going off the road, just veering from the packed gravel tire track. I see this going on in many areas of my life right now. In some ways, I feel like that I have let the worldly ways chart my course. As a result, I’ve found myself not as happy as I can be. I have wavered. I have wondered. I have not been true to myself.
Today in church service, we heard a sermon about David and the lion’s den. I won’t go into the message of trust, grace and love as I believe I heard something different than what was preached. I heard that I have not been true and that I’ve let the world around me dictate my choices and my direction. If my life, thus far, has taught me anything, it is that this is not the way to live nor the way I am most at peace.
In high school I wrote a poem called A Redwood Tree in an Apple Orchard. Through my many moves since then, I have no idea where this poem has landed, but I remember parts of the poem. It read as follows. The other trees tear at my bark saying I do not bear fruit as they do. Later on it read I will stand strong and one day in a storm they will seek shelter under my branches. I was reminded of this today in the sermon. I need to stand strong and not let the world impact me the way it has been. I need to trust that I am on my path.
My whole life I have stood for what I believe in. Yes, I have wandered a bit here and there, but I have always got back on my own path. I need to do that again. I need to be a great father and husband. I need to stay true to my values and stand up for what I believe in even if it is hard or has the appearance of settling. I need to pursue my passions of cycling and photography. I need to develop my skill set, relationships and experiences to support my future vision of retirement. When I have focused on those things, my life has always fallen into place. Time to get moving and get to work.
In the coming weeks, I am committing to simplifying some of the things in my life. Focusing on the things that get me to where I intend to go. I am stoked.