Thinking about my year and what it will bring? Since the first of the year my choices have led me to a different place. A place that isn’t as comfortable as where I have been. It is seriously challenging. I sorta think of the changes I am going through like riding or racing on gravel roads.Â They are a little slower. A bit rough at times. Sloppy. Wet. Dirty. Dusty.Â Rewarding. But riding on gravel is where I want to be. Sure I could take pavement anytime I want. Heck, 90% of the time I ride my bike in the country, pavement is just a few milesÂ in any direction. Despite pavement being fast and smooth and often the easiest way to a destination, I don’t like it.Â I like to turn down a rough country road to see where it goes?Â That is a pattern in my life and one that has rewarded me time and time again. I am on that road again.
I’ll be truthful today and 100% honest. I am thinking of shutting this site completely down. I don’t really know what I am trying to accomplish with it anymore.Â My choices have led me down a new road and one where I don’t fully see a need for this blog anymore. I also don’t know what I am trying to accomplish by writing about this possibility.Â I guess I am just trying to write it down so that I can get it out of my head.
Part of me really needs this blog for the creativity, learning and expression. I just don’t know what I’d do if I don’t have a way to do that stuff. I guess that is the battle I am really fighting. What do I do with this mental energy and how do I channel that creativity. I can’t imagine not doing something so if it isn’t this, what is “IT”?Â I have tried tumblr, instagram, facebook, flickr, etc and I just don’t find any of them rewarding. I also can’t give this site 100% anymore and in my mind, I have let it slip since the new year. I hate letting things slip. But then there is the flip side, if I don’t spend the time doing this, what creative thing could I be learning and doing if I had that time?
So today, I am just putting it down on the virtual paper and putting it out there.Â It’s weighing on me and on my mind.